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he was. So I... she looks down in shame, I stripped down naked and kissed him. It was pretty hard
for a boy to say no to that.
I don't even know how to digest the way these people grew up. It makes me even more grateful
for the constant affection and love my parents have given to me.
Crapnugget! Arianna cries, flipping over the burnt sandwiches with her fingers and sticking her
middle finger in her mouth. I don't think I'll ever be able to cook something without burning it or
myself.
Her obvious disappointment makes me smile, thinking of my mom.
I come closer to rest my arms on the counter, Why are you trying to cook?
She looks at the pan like it's the source of all her troubles and she's ready to kick it's ass.
I'm trying to... she crosses her arms and her eyes squint even harder before looking at me, I
really don't know what the hell I'm trying to do. I just know I can't go back to my old life. She shrugs,
now looking vulnerable and lost, I always thought I was an independent woman who could take care
of herself, and in some ways I was, but I depended on others' success to get what I wanted. I want to
depend solely on me now. Does that even make sense?
It sure does.
I don't like the look that is currently crossing her face, like things are about to get personal and
not in a way that's in my favor.
I need to confess something.
Yup, there it is. I hate it when I'm right.
I've never had a friend before, and I need to get this off my chest before the guilt kills me.
I want to tell her not to; I'm not sure I like the expression she's wearing. I have a sinking
suspicion that whatever is about to leave her lips will forever change me and my relationship to Jay.
I wish I knew how to explain my frame of mind when Jay brought me home I assume he told
you about it?
I nod.
I figured. When I was in that dark slit underground I hated him, but at the same time I knew he
would find me, I knew I would survive. When we got back to his place, I had convinced myself to
believe he rescued me because he cared for me on a deeper level. I desperately needed to believe
somebody out there cared about me, she looks down at her hands, unable to look at me, I came on to
him. I'm so sorry. I'm incredibly ashamed and embarrassed about the whole thing.
It's okay, I reassure her, placing my hands over hers. Jay already told me about what
happened. Neither one of us holds it against you, we understand you were working through a lot.
She peers at me from under her long lashes, Really?
I give her hands a squeeze before bringing my arms back to cross them over the counter, Yes.
I'm not going to lie, I still have insecurities when it comes to you. You're so beautiful
He has no interest in me, Lily, she quickly cuts in. He never has. The only reason he kept
coming back to me is because I knew his past and he didn't have to worry about making conversation,
he could just get the sex he needed out of his system. He used me and I let him. There was never any
form of passion between us. She shakes her head, I'm making him sound like an ass. I'm just trying
to let you know that whatever you think we might have had between us was nothing. I really want to
be your friend, and I don't want Jay to be any sort of issue between us.
Be patient with him, Lily. He's still so much the child he never got to be and his love for you
confuses him, sometimes making his emotions all over the place, not always handling it in the best
ways. I think if Jay Lincoln ever has the chance to be the man he was meant to be, it will be because
you are by his side, offering your love and support.
I jump off the bar stool to go around the island and hug her, That was beautiful, thank you. Of
course we can be friends! Besides, you need someone to introduce you to pop culture.
Don't I know it! She laughs, hugging me back, Charlie was just as appalled that I didn't know
any music, movies, or shows. The only things I know are what I needed to woo whoever I was
conning. He's been educating me.
I go to the fridge to see if I can find something to whip together since our grilled cheese is burnt,
Yeah? With what?
Arianna counts off on her fingers, So far, we've watched Braveheart and The Godfather
trilogy.
I roll my eyes, Give me a piece of paper and pen.
She opens a drawer and pulls them out for me.
I begin writing while I talk, Those movies are awesome, but you need a broader range than your
stereotypical male favorites. Make him show you these. I slide the paper over to her.
She reads them with curiosity while I make us a salad.
If you see a name, it means you should just go ahead and watch anything that person has made.
Great, thanks!
After we eat the salad we head to the couch to get nice and comfy for our gossip session,
spending the next few hours giggling and sharing about ourselves.
Chapter 20
6:21pm
I'm watching a rerun of Friends, waiting for Jay to return, when the front door slams shut and an
agitated Jay starts pacing around the kitchen and dining table.
I sit up straighter and twist my body to view him better, Everything all right?
He ignores me, and the more he paces the redder his skin becomes. His eyebrows pull together
as he grinds his jaw.
Normally I let him pace because it's how he thinks, but this is different. This seems like he's
doing it to stop from letting the rage take over.
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