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and necessary for them too.
I must admit that the greater part of our total "I" is not in
the least interested in self-remembering. More than that, it
does not even suspect the existence of this desire in its
brother thought. Consequently we must try to acquaint them
with these desires. If they conceive a desire to work in this
direction, half the work is done; we can begin teaching and
helping them.
Unfortunately one cannot speak to them intelligently at
once because, owing to careless upbringing, the horse and the
carriage don't know any language fitting for a well-brought-up
man. Their life and their thinking are instinctive, as in an ani-
mal, and so it is impossible to prove to them logically where
their future profit lies or explain all their possibilities. For the
present it is only possible to make them start working by round-
about, "fraudulent" methods. If this is done they may possibly
develop common sense. Logic and common sense are not for-
eign to them, but they received no education. They are like a
man who has been made to live away from his fellowmen,
without any communication with them. Such a man cannot
think logically as we do. We have this capacity because from
childhood we have lived among other men and have had to
deal with them. Like this man, isolated from others, our parts
lived by animal instincts, without thought and logic. Owing to
this, these capacities have degenerated, the qualities given
them by nature have become dulled and atrophied. But in
view of their original nature, this atrophy has no irreparable
consequences and it is possible to bring them back to life in
their original form.
Naturally, a great deal of labor is needed to destroy the
crust of vices consequences already formed. So, instead of
starting new work, it is necessary to correct old sins.
For example, I wish to remember myself as long as possible.
But I have proved to myself that I very quickly forget the task
170
I set myself, because my mind has very few associations con-
nected with it.
I have noticed that other associations engulf the associations
connected with self-remembering. Our associations take place
in our formatory apparatus owing to shocks which the forma-
tory apparatus receives from the centers. Each shock has asso-
ciations of its own particular character; their strength depends
on the material which produces them.
If the thinking center produces associations of self-remem-
bering, incoming associations of another character, which
come from other parts and have nothing to do with self-re-
membering, absorb these desirable associations, since they
come from many different places and so are more numerous.
And so here I sit.
My problem is to bring my other parts to a point where my
thinking center would be able to prolong the state of self-re-
membering as much as possible, without exhausting the en-
ergy immediately.
It should be pointed out here that self-remembering, how-
ever full and whole, can be of two kinds, conscious and
mechanical remembering oneself consciously and remember-
ing oneself by associations. Mechanical, that is, associative
self-remembering can bring no essential profit, yet such asso-
ciative self-remembering is of tremendous value in the begin-
ning. Later it should not be used, for such a self-remembering,
however complete, does not result in any real, concrete doing.
But in the beginning it too is necessary.
There exists another, a conscious, self-remembering which is
not mechanical.
PRIEURE, JANUARY 20, 1923
Now I am sitting here. I am totally unable to remember myself
and I have no idea of it. But I have heard about it. A friend of
mine proved to me today that it is possible.
Then I thought about it and became convinced that if I
could remember myself long enough I would make fewer mis-
takes and would do more things that are desirable.
Now I wish to remember, but every rustle, every person,
every sound distracts my attention, and I forget.
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Before me is a sheet of paper on which I deliberately wrote
it, in order that this paper should act for me as a shock for re-
membering myself. But the paper has proved of no help. So
long as my attention is concentrated on this paper I remem-
ber. As soon as my attention becomes distracted I look at the
paper, but I cannot remember myself.
I try another way. I repeat to myself, "I wish to remember
myself." But this does not help either. At moments I notice
that I repeat it mechanically, but my attention is not there.
I try in every possible way. For instance, I sit and try to as-
sociate certain physical discomforts with self-remembering.
For example, my corn aches. But the corn helps only for a
short time; later this corn begins to be felt purely mechani-
cally.
Still I try all possible means, for I have a great desire to suc-
ceed in remembering myself.
In order to know how to proceed, I would be interested to
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