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I had no flesh to tremble.
I was aware that I was shrinking. I could tell because my palms were
dragging across the steel as hands and feet all became much closer.
But I kept my eyes shut and told myself it wasn't happening to me.
Wasn't me. Someone else. Not me.
Then, the two legs erupted from my chest.
I yelled. Only I didn't, because now I didn't have a mouth. I tried to
make a yell but I no longer had lungs. No throat. No vocal chords. No
tongue or lips. All gone!
I screamed in thought-speak.
Jake kept saying.
Bridge is coming up.
126 Hurry. Keep morphing. There's time, but don't stop!>
I kept morphing. Only I wasn't even there anymore. My mind was off,
faraway. Off in a warm, cozy place with a big comforter pulled up to my
chin and my eyes closed and . . .
The cockroach feelers activated. I was flooded with sensations. Smells!
Vibrations!
My eyes weren't closed anymore.
Jake said. I guess he said it about a hundred times
before, at long last, my panicked mind came floating down to Earth again
and I heard him.
I whispered.
He didn't answer.
So. He had lied. That's Jake: The mission comes before anything.
I didn't want to see, feel, hear, but I had no choice. Roach sight is
almost nonexistent, just vague shapes floating in shadow. But hearing
and "smell" were pretty good. And I could not turn them off.
So I was aware that the truck was slowing down now. And I felt it when
the truck passed from cool outside air to much, much warmer air.
In the distance I saw a huge, dull glow. And I felt vibrations that my
roach brain interpreted as vast, low-pitched sounds.
127 Then, I felt the difference in pitch as the truck headed downhill.
Jake said, sounding worried.
The truck stopped.
There was a smell . . .
Gas!
Jake said.
And I was gone.
128
J. woke up.
I tried to open my eyes. No eyes. No vision. My antennae brushed
something above me, sending a tingle through my body. I was in roach
morph! Oh, God. Oh, God, I was in roach morph! I ran. Panic. Fired my
six legs and ran. A wall! Left. RUN!
A wall! I was in a corner. Turn around. Other way! RUN! Wall! NO, no,
no! Not walls. A box! I was in a box!
129 In a box! An inch taller than me, an inch wider, an inch longer. A
box! Trapped!
Jake said.
Demorph! I screamed to myself. Demorph!
I began to change, to grow, but instantly I felt the awful, unyielding
pressure. Walls all around me!
Jake yelled.
I could barely stand to listen. I morphed back, but the panic, the terror!
Oh, God, they had me! At long last, they had me! Trapped. As a roach! As
a cockroach!
I started screaming. I kept screaming. Screaming and screaming and
screaming.
130 EH.
Mean Rachel
y eyes snapped open. I saw rafters. I saw a stall around me. Someone had
rolled up a blanket and put it under my head. Another blanket was laid
over me.
"Aaarrrgghhh!" I yelled and jerked up off the ground.
I was awake, up, and mad within a split second.
"Knock me out? Knock ME out? I'll kill you! I'll kill you all!"
The animals in their cages shrank back from me. As well they should.
That does it, I thought. Now they all die! I don't need any of them
anymore. Especially not
131 that simpering, mewling, uptalking nitwit double of mine.
But how to get them? Had to follow them. That was the first thing. Had
to follow them. But how? How? I didn't even know how long they'd been
gone. I could have been under for minutes or hours.
I slammed outside into the evening air and scanned the sky. A hawk! No,
just a crow.
How was I supposed to find them? The lights were on in Cassie's house.
Did her parents know she was gone? No. No. Of course not. The Chee.
That's how we'd done it in the past. The Chee would send one of their
androids over, armed with a hologram that would perfectly duplicate
Cassie. So "Cassie" was probably in there right now having dinner.
I was hungry.
I could kill something and eat it!
Focus!
It had been one thing following them to the BRI. I'd been able to see
them then. This was harder. How was I supposed to track them through the
sky?
Wait, maybe they weren't too far gone, yet. That was it! Take to the air
and hope to get lucky! Good plan.
Moments later I was in owl morph and pushing for all the altitude that
low-altitude bird
132 could give me. I scanned the skies ahead, behind, left, right, up,
down, NOTHING! Out over the interstate I flew. The car headlights were
painful, the taillights lurid. Too bright!
Had to go after them. Had to hunt them down and kill them! Now! Right
now! But... but I couldn't find them!
I could feel the rage frenzy coming on. I was losing control. My wings
were trembling. My talons were clutching compulsively at the air. I
wanted to scream and scream and find something, anything, to kill, kill,
KILL!
Then, I spotted the truck. The truck with something that could only be a
girl morphing to cockroach.
Nice Rachel! I crowed to myself. Jake and my twin, both together! Perfect!
But the truck was moving away at a pretty rapid speed. Too fast for me
to catch. All I could do was watch helplessly as it veered down a
circular off-ramp, then turned onto a smaller four-lane road.
The turn around the off-ramp gave me a few seconds to play catch-up. But
then the truck was off again and pulling away fast. In five minutes it
would be out of sight.
Once it was out of sight I would have to think, think about what it had
done, think of a
133 plan. No! No, I had to maintain contact. It was the only way.
I cried.
Then, at the very limit of my sight I saw brake lights blaze. The truck
was slowing. I pushed my wings for all they were worth. I flew as fast
as an owl has ever flown. I was practically delirious with the wondrous
images that filled my head: Jake and Nice Rachel, both as cockroaches.
Hah! Killing them would be almost too easy. I could ... I could eat
them! Yeah, that was it! I could eat them, ah hah hah HAH!
Or maybe I would rip off their legs and leave them helpless on their
backs to ... no, wait. That wouldn't work, would it? But why? Some
reason. They ... I strained my mind, trying to figure out what it was
that was bothering me about that scenario.
I pull off their legs. Okay. That was good. Then, I put them on their
backs so they can't roll over. And then . . .
I would eat them! Yeah! Swallow them in one big bite!
But even that made me feel uncomfortable. Like I was overlooking something.
Frustration was building now. It was a physical thing, like a pot coming
to a boil in my guts. And the more it boiled, the less I could focus, the
134 more it boiled, the less I could focus, the more . . .
The truck was slowing. Turning down a side road at right angles to me. I
could keep up, now! Barely. The truck approached a vast, rusty fantasy
of steel. A foundry? Where they made steel or something? Maybe. It
glowed a deep orange in the night.
The truck entered a doorway. Gone from sight!
I could eat them. One big bite.
The frustration! I felt like I wanted to claw my own brain open. Not
working. My brain was not working. Now, what? And then, what?
That was easy enough. Down I went. Catch them. Kill them. Yeah, yeah.
That soothed me a little. Don't worry about the details.
Down and down and down. I swept through the huge, open doorway.
135
lo! No! No! No! No!>
know you're scared, Rachel. Listen to me.>
Moaning. A moaning cry came from deep down inside me. A soundless sound,
a voiceless, pitiful mewling. My brain . . . gone. Thinking . . .
impossible.
Just terror. Animal terror.
of tough spots.>
136
the world leaders at that conference? Remember how we thought we were
done for, trapped by, like, a hundred Hork-Bajir?>
were in that fight with the sharks? Or how about the time we ... come
on, Rachel. Hang in there. Hang on.>
we're the only ones. I think I see other. . . containers. You know, like
the ones we were in. I think what happened is the Yeerks hit the truck
with nerve gas and just grabbed everything that fell out. You know? Bugs
of whatever kind. Not just us.>
Can you look and see, Rachel? I know roach eyes are pretty lame, but see
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