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stunted life and frozen emotions. The partner is a problem.
That s history. Marsha gave a dismissive snort. Dan
was never cut out for family life, anyway. Solley s the one
who holds it all together.
Because her children come first. That s another issue,
Gin said seriously. I look at them and I m filled with laughter
and joy, no tightness, no pain, no guilt. I m light. And when
I m with her, and with them, I m happy. I can t explain it,
but everything is vibrant and new. Mystified at the clarity of
emotion in her own words, she said, I want it to stay that way.
I don t want to mess things up.
Things are already messed up. Sleeping with her isn t
going to change the situation or ruin your connection with the
kids.
Gin shook her head. You know that s bullshit. Sex
changes everything.
Marsha shrugged. Then I guess you just have to ask
" 78 "
FALLING STAR
yourself what kind of risks you re willing to take. It s funny, I ve
never seen you back off like this when you want something.
Maybe if all I cared about was a quick fling, this would
be easy. But you know what you were saying about falling
into someone and losing yourself? I guess I m afraid I d& fall
into her. In fact, I know I would. I can feel myself going there
already. And what if I did, and then it all went bad? I really
don t think I could handle that, not on top of losing Miki.
Marsha studied the surf far below them. Gin, I know
there s no time limit on grief, after a loss like that, but it s been
four years. I haven t seen you this animated, or interested in
anyone, since it happened. That means something, don t you
think?
They sat on in silence until Gin felt she could continue.
We quarreled.
Sounds like a good start.
Her relationship isn t the only problem. You know what
it s like in our business. The gossip. Gin rolled her eyes.
It s not like you give them anything. But that s the
problem with don t-ask-don t-tell, they make up whatever
stories they want. If you don t have a man on your arm they
assume you have a woman on every finger.
They can say what they like about me, but Solley has
kids.
Gin could imagine the gossip if they were seen together
looking like more than friends. She wasn t out, publicly, but
her closest friends knew she was a lesbian. She knew a lot
of gay people, supported LGBT causes, and had a big gay
fan base. The tabloids loved to drop hints about her close
friendship with any female star who spoke to her. It was
ironic. She was virtually celibate, taking time to herself while
she tried to restore her emotional balance.
Solley s been hiding behind those kids for too long,
" 79 "
GILL MCKNIGHT
Marsha huffed. For crying out loud, don t you start using
them as an excuse, too. You have to take a chance, Gin. She
stated the no-frills obvious with an honest heart. You can t
keep living like this. It s time.
Gin shifted uneasily beneath her speculative blue gaze.
But it s not the right time for Solley. She can t take a chance.
At least, she can t take a chance on me.
" 80 "
FALLING STAR
CHAPTER SEVEN
elly Rose arrived at the trailer camp two days later in
Ka black stretch limo, with an entourage of press and
studio reps.
This is the side of Marsha s business I just can t stomach,
Janie sermonized. That someone gets paid such an obscene
amount of money for looking good and acting stupid. At least
Marsha truly earns every bruised and bloodied cent they pay
her.
She had already said she wasn t going to hang around for
the schmoozing once the presentation was over. She didn t
lower herself to such bullshit and was going to head into
town for a protest shop at her favorite boutiques.
Solley had no such compunctions. She wanted to drool
over her favorite overpaid, good-looking, stupid-acting screen
idol up close. It also seemed appropriate to be present, since
Gin was going to receive an award.
What s it for, exactly? she asked Janie as they gravitated
toward the makeshift stage, along with crew members and fans
who d heard the star was coming by.
It s the Indie Pendant Film Award for best stunt director.
Gin s won it for Russian Rebels. Since she can t make it to the
award ceremony, Kelly Rose is presenting it now and they re
" 81 "
GILL MCKNIGHT
filming the thank-you speech for the show. I hope it cheers her
up some. She s been moping like a rain cloud for days.
Great.
Solley was pleased about the award, but ecstatic that Gin s
frame of mind was as gloomy as her own.
She d often watched the awards event live on TV. It
felt strange to think that to the rest of the world, not just her
children, Gin Ito was an impressive person. In getting to know
her if ripping off someone s shirt and sticking her tongue
in their mouth was knowing Solley had forgotten she was
pretty goddamn famous.
In front of rolling cameras and a barrage of flashing press
photographers, Kelly Rose sashayed up to the stage. A skintight
sundress advertised all her charms, as well as the skills of
her cosmetic surgeon. Batting impossibly long eyelashes,
she posed for her audience, swamping them all in a smile as
bleached as her hair. She was, Solley decided, living proof that
the cloning crossover between human DNA and Barbie doll
plastic was indeed possible.
An elbow nudged her ribs. Guess who s going to meet
your favorite heroine?
My heroine? A series of flashbacks and fantasies flew
through Solley s mind. Gin plunging into the sea from a
helicopter. Gin diving into the water from a moving speedboat.
Gin abseiling freeform down a cliff face. Gin s lithe, naked
body spread out across the sand dunes. The two of them,
kissing&
Kelly Rose, dufus. Marsha squinted at Solley as though
trying to make sense of her distracted response. She wants to
talk to the stunt crew personally. The team works on most of
Kelly s films, and she likes to keep things sweet. It s just a PR
exercise, but I thought you and the kids might get a kick out
of meeting her.
" 82 "
FALLING STAR
Solley brightened. The day was getting better and better.
First, Gin was miserable, and Solley didn t care if her kitten
had been run over, as long as she felt like crap, too. Second,
Solley s favorite actress was here and maybe she would meet
her. She watched Kelly Rose present Gin with a trophy shaped
like a silver pendant flag. She wasn t close enough to hear
the speeches the smiling pair made to the cameras, but she
was uncomfortably aware of the body language between them.
Kelly Rose clung to Gin s arm like Glad Wrap, the side swell
of her impressive bosom crushed against Gin s tight bicep.
She flashed a humongous amount of dental porcelain in Gin s
face.
Yes, they were just a little bit too close for comfort. Their
physical messaging spoke louder than words, the decent
words found in a dictionary, that was. Watching them gaze at
each other like meerkats in heat, Solley closed her fists. Her
temper sparked, fueled by the gasoline vapor of jealousy. She
knew she was glaring with narrowed eyes and that her feelings
were probably obvious to all around her, but she couldn t hide
behind a smile.
As the crowd began to drift off, she fell in with them
automatically. Any desire to move forward with Marsha
and the kids to meet that floozy hanging off Gin s arm had
completely disappeared. Plus, the temptation to thrash Gin
with a camera cable was too strong to keep in check. Deep in
murderous thought, she found she d fallen in behind a couple
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